Total Derangement ( a temporary title )

i type, i type in a continuous fashion with nothing in mind

  it's 5 am , still wide awake must be th tea that I've consumed, 

damn shouldn't have drank the tea

  abundant of energy

with no where to channel

  no, not likely to channel it into my serious works

so i type and type and type

  for this blog 

it's stupid, no 

  it's restless

it's no aim, no

  it's passion 

it's nonsesnse, yes ,

  it's nonsense

what can you do, no, what can i do?

  i can type, type, type, type, type 

Profound randomness that sparked creativity 

  Huh, you called this creative,Merde!!! 

Whatever! Randomness is the new thing, so random so abstract, 

  like the painting and installation in museum and gallery we've seen nowadays. 

Yeah, yeah, not in the right mind.

 Well, an artist is always not in the right mind, they're obscure, not like others.

But, you're not one. 

 I've tried. Just im born with a accurate and proportional mind.  

So, you can't be one of those.

 No, i can be. 

How? hitting hard on the wall? Operation? 

 By derange it. 

( To be continue...) 

Trivia and fun thoughts

Do you know that David Lynch used to ate the same things in one place for 7 years straight? 


Do you know that Stanley Kubrick had a library built just to store his collections, books and records of Napoleon Bonaparte's life, a subject he wish to film but never did ?

(Picture is not mine)

No wonder i cannot understand David Lynch's films, so symbolic, so cryptic, so undecipherable,as his eating habit yet they showed coherent messages and images. It got to be that his eating habit, so meditative and damn he's persevered.

(Picture is not mine) 

How about Kubrick. This man certainly is a Lord of Dedication. We can see this quality from his films, everything he ever made ( except 1 or 2 earlier works) are horned to perfection. Too bad he never made the Napoleon film, based on his dedication to the subject , the film must be the greatest film ever born in film history.

Guilty/// Conscience

Christian Bale as Trevor Reznik in " The Machinist"

I've finally watched this movie yesterday. For me , the most thrilling part of the film is not about the illusions or murders, it was Bale who really freaks me out with his emaciated body form, God's sake, i read it from somewhere that he starved himself for almost 4 months while preparing for this role........what really impressed me is the implicit symbols that the filmmakers put in the films, like the Fyodor Dostoyevsky's references as in the the form of a book "The Idiot".Besides as a thriller, this film better serves as a moral story, a man struggling with guilty conscience.

Is it true that without conscience, all that left are only evils?  i reckon that there is always battles inside everyone's between conscience and selfish will, what i'm suppose to do vs. what i really want to do... whichever wins, suffering is inevitable........

Terror

              I FEEL SO TERRIBLE TODAY 

                               I'M SIM 

                THE TERRIBLE MONSTER 

p/s: i failed to open my heart and accept people for who they are because i like to compare them to my idealized characters ,it caused me heartache,...............and because of that, i refused to hep a person today because i thought the person is not entitled, my conscience failed me today as it worked against my better judgement. 

8 things

1.  hate uncomfortable silences.

2. don't mind being a sexy bitch///slut, because a bitch doesn't care what others say and it's fun to bitching around.

3. prefer undergoing retail therapy alone.

4. secretly admire a guy from the bookstore that bumped into quite often.

5. like mature man with intelligence, and loads of $$ , will marry one.

6. Also like bad boys, as lovers.

7. Love poetry although not really understand.

8. hate zombies , but like vampires

Being someone else

I would love to walk in Carine Roitfeld's shoes.

Because consciousness is a terrible curse. 
I think, I feel, I suffer. - Craig Schwartz ( Being John Malkovich ) 


Being conscious means being aware of what is going on around you but im pretty sure that's nothing much going on around me at the time; when life turns into routine, people just become robots, wake up each morning just to continue things that have been done yesterday until the batteries run out.

So often, i'll have this strange urge that I want to be somebody elses; the socialite, the coffee shop owner, a man, an althlete ............... but me. You may say that I'm not grateful for having a comfort life or not true to myself, in fact the whole escapism thing is very - me.

Like Craig, i feel trapped in my current situation. I wish there is a magic secret door where i can fulfill my escapist dream, yes, just like in the movie although i wish it can be longer than 15 minutes, a day is enough !

Alas, life is no magic unless i suffer any of the psychology diseases or getting high on some pills.......

Humans on the earth & me, try to appreciate more and whine less, perhaps that's when the miracle happened!!!

P/S : Who would you like to be for a day?